Okay this is my first blog so here it goes.

I am a mother of 3 wonderful gifts from god.  I am so happy for the sons that god granted me the opportunity to raise. My oldest son was killed when he was 7 years old and that was 19 years ago. I still struggle with the grief and emptiness I have in my heart and soul for my son.  I remember being told to be strong and not show the hurt and devastation I was feeling when my son first past away. I was told to be strong for my family and yes I was strong. I had to be. My second son was in the ICU at the hospital and I was pregnant with my third son. I love all my children and some part of me understand why I had to be strong but when is it my turn to show my grieve. Everyone thinks they know what is good for me but they don't know about the nightmares and no sleep I go through.  I am being told I am over protective of my children well damn I think I have that right after losing one.

I was stupid when I was growing up and thought that the only way to proved happiness to my kids was with money. So I worked every chance I got. But when the police showed up at my job I knew how stupid I had been.  I was called in on a Saturday and sent my kids with the babysitter not knowing she was going to take them joy riding 40 miles away. They ran a stop sign and was broad sided. The car my kids were in was thrown 3000 feet into a field and my son Michael watched his brother Randy die. I learned that day that no job or amount of money is more important then my family.

I wish I could make people understand it is the little things in life that matter not how much material stiff a person has. I know my son is with God and I know when it is my time I will get to see him again. Right now I live in the little things and let my surviving sons know just how much I love them and how important they are.  Please do not take anything for granted.

I watch and listen to everyone raising their kids today and think to myself if only they knew how precious their kids are.